Becoming a new mom is one of the most life alternating moments you’ll ever have. It will affect all aspects of your life. It will test your patience, your sanity, and your sleep tolerance. For some, the thought of motherhood is in a far-off distance. You may have a sister, cousin or friend who is thinking of becoming a mom and is already on that journey. Or it maybe you who is thinking about taking on this new adventure. Understanding what you may be experiencing is important.
Motherhood can be challenging, especially for the first few months. I haven’t gotten more than 4 hours of sleep because my four-month-old is nursing on demand. Not to mention my toddler who constantly sneaks out of his room in the middle of the night to snuggle under the covers with me.
Every new mom’s experience will be unique, and all babies can be so different. There are a hundred different things I think new moms should know, that this list would not even begin to cover. After having my third child (I now have two kids under 3 years old) I have put together what I believe to be the 9 most important things every new mom (and partner) should know.
- YOUR PLAN MAY NOT ALWAYS GO AS PLANNED
You may have scoured the shelves of the parenting aisles and got lost in the rabbit hole of the web, looking for as much information as you can find before the baby arrives. You may have even attended birthing and infant classes. Or you watched other parents raise their own babies. It’s good to use those things as a guide, but when you come face to face with the actual baby in hand–the parenting books and newborn tips go right out the window. It is very common to feel unsure of what to do after bringing your brand-new baby home. It’s very normal to feel unprepared when you thought you were prepared. Know that you are not alone in your feelings. A lot of new parents feel this way. In time, you will learn how to care for your baby- from hearing the differences of each cry your baby makes, when to change the baby, and his/her little routine.
Some new parents are encouraged in their newborn classes to create birth plans for their medical team to follow. It may be a great resource to help ease the mind of soon-to-be parents. However, the way your newborn enters the world may not align with your intended birth plan. Having worked in the labor & delivery unit of a hospital for over 4 years, I have seen birth plans go completely opposite as parents had hoped. I know it’s heart-wrenching for some new moms who have spent hours, days or even months agonizing over the fine details, just to have it go in a completely different direction. If your birth plan doesn’t go as you had hope, give yourself permission to feel sad (or whatever emotions you feel) about it. Remember to be kind to yourself and do not beat yourself up over things out of your control. You are doing the best you can in that moment, and that is enough.
- BREASTFEEDING IS HARD
Many experts will tell you that breastfeeding is instinctual for mom and baby. While that is true it doesn’t mean it will be easy for you or that you’ll automatically know how to breastfeed. For many first-time moms, breastfeeding was easy for them. That wasn’t the case for me. I thought because I had boobs that it would just happen, like some magical moment. With my first child (Masun), I couldn’t get him to latch on. For several hours I tried repositioning him and using a breast shield. After he went several hours without eating, I gave up trying to nurse him. Feeling defeated, I gave him a bottle instead. Although I don’t regret it, I was not happy about it. To be fair, when I had my second child (Alex), I was determined to learn how to breastfeed. It was still not easy and it took weeks of trying at the hospital then at home to learn. It was a painful emotional journey. From having my breast milk ducts clogged, feeling like my boobs were going to explode because they were so engorged-to cradling my bleeding nipples with lanolin cream. All this pain was due to him not latching onto the nipple properly. After lots of trial and error of repositioning and latch placement, I was finally able to successfully breastfeed. It was worth all the excruciating pain I went through on my journey to breastfeed. And over time, it got easier. With my third son (Connor) breastfeeding has been so easy and painless.
However, having said that, I don’t blame any mom who doesn’t want to breastfeed and chooses to bottle feed instead. Breastfeeding takes time and effort to learn (for some moms). And if you tried and it still didn’t work out for you, that’s OK. It’s not the end of the world. You are doing the best you can feeding your baby, whether you choose to breastfeed or not. What’s best for baby is a fed baby-whether you decide to breastfeed or bottle-feed. Understanding and accepting this fact will help preserve some of your sanity and cause a lot less mom guilt.
- ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE “LAZY”
After coming home with your baby, don’t expect to be productive. Be prepared to live in your pajamas and not leave the house for a while, unless it’s for a baby checkup. It may probably be easier to do now because of this pandemic ( F-you Coronavirus!). Expect that your house may be a mess, laundry will pile up, and cooking probably won’t be happening. This is the time to let anyone that wants to help you a chance to help where it’s needed. This is not the time to be shy. The next time anyone asks if they can do anything for you, here are some friendly suggestions on what they can do; clean your house, wash the dishes, do your laundry, bring you food, or watch the baby while you take a little nap. You get the idea. Your primary goal should be to just recover and take care of the baby, and nothing else. Especially during the first few months. You have too much on your plate right now and trust me when I say that the last thing you won’t worry about is cleaning, cooking or doing anything else other than caring for the baby.
When it comes to meals, I hope you have a someone that can cook for you. If not, its now the time to buy easy to make foods like sandwiches, soups, prepared foods and frozen meals. Or take out, and lots of it for the first few weeks. But keep it mind it will get expensive buying take out all the time.
4. FIND YOUR VILLAGE OF SUPPORTIVE PEOPLE
The first few months as a new mom can bring a wave of new emotions. The mom friend who has an 8–year–old or your cousin that is currently pregnant may not fully understand how you are feeling. The only people who will be able to sympathize with what you’re going through are those that are also going through it at the same time. I recommend that all first–time moms join a mom’s club or a parenting support group. When looking for other moms to connect with there are apps and social media groups online. These apps and groups can help you find other moms who live near you that have kids around the same age as your child. You can even join a parenting class where they will group families based on the age group of your child and are going through the same things. Find your village. Your network of supportive people that I call ‘mom tribe’ early, because first-time motherhood can be a lonely, isolating road.
- KEEP AN OPEN MIND
You may get lots of unsolicited advice about how to care for your new baby. It may come from your in–laws, your neighbor, or your friend. From how to feed your baby to sleep training advice. Sometimes the advice is helpful, other times it may not be. However, most of the advice given is well-intended and coming from a loving place, from people who care about you, (even when it can be really annoying to hear). It’s good to keep an open mind and not be so quick to dismiss every tip or suggestion you receive. Because you might hear a good suggestion that you wouldn’t have known otherwise.
- PARENTHOOD CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Becoming a new mom can really test your relationship with your partner. You will start to look at your partner differently after the baby is born. Whether it will change for the better or worse, it’s hard to say. After all, you’re a stressed, exhausted new mom, who is sleep-deprived trying to care for a newborn. It’s hard to put your relationship first when you are already dealing with so much change. (Thankfully, for me, seeing how much my husband dotted on our sons made me love him even more. Even when he can’t help out much with late-night feedings because he doesn’t have boobs.) Your partner is new at this parenting stuff too. Things that may seem like instincts for you on how to care for baby may not be that way for them. Let your partner care for the baby their way (and gently guide them if they are struggling). This is not the time to start attacking or criticizing your partner. The newborn phase shall pass, so in the meantime, stick it out and try not to be so hard on your partner. Remember you are in this together, not against each other.
Motherhood will also affect your relationship with your friends. You may lose some friends because of your new commitments. If they can’t be understanding of your new situation or supportive, its best to let them go. In time you will make new friends who will better align to your new role as a mom and priorities in life.
- DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER MOMS
It’s so easy to stroll through Instagram and see moms on there who seem to be keeping it together so well with their posted selfies, looking flawless and kids in cute little outfits #momgoals. But remember, the motherhood journey is unique and just because they look like they carry the shoulder of parenthood well, doesn’t always mean that’s the case. We really don’t know what goes on behind the scenes of someone’s perfectly curated image on social media. If your baby doesn’t hit those milestones of those birthing apps, no need to panic. Your baby’s development and your motherhood journey may be different from other moms. Just because it looks different, doesn’t mean you’re not doing a good job. What’s important is to always try to be the best mom you can be to your baby.
- YOUR BODY WILL CHANGE
It takes a least 9 months to grow a baby in your belly, it may take you 9 months to get your body back, if it ever gets back to its pre-pregnancy weight. Your body will most likely not be the same or even look the same after a baby. Society has a way of making us feel bad about our appearance or tell women to live up to the high expectations that social media moms create. That’s so unrealistic for so many women. You are beautiful and you did an incredible thing. You created this miracle of a human inside your womb. We women are stronger than we think. I like my body more now than I did before I had my babies (but I would like it more without the stretch marks lol). The journey of self-love for my new body took time and I needed to treat her well and be kind. This body birthed three beautiful, healthy boys, and the scars and stretch marks on me are reminders of how far I have come, not just as a mom, but as a woman. The scars on my body don’t define my worth. And neither should your body after childbirth define yours. We are more than our bodies. Our body is just a shell. What matters is what’s on the inside.
- YOU WILL START TO MISS YOUR OLD LIFE
Gone are the days where you could spontaneously take trips out of town, do a quick 20-minute run to the grocery store by yourself, or meet up for last-minute dinners with your girlfriends. Spontaneity trips with a baby is going to be a thing of the past. Trips now will include baby in tow or scrambling to find a babysitter (speaking of which, doesn’t even begin to cover your sudden distrust of anyone else to care for your little human). And trips to the grocery store will now take at least 45 minutes of getting the baby ready to leave, and that’s before you even get into the car. I started to miss my old life and the “old me” before I became a mom. A lot of first-time moms feel this way and it’s completely normal. Over time, you will be unable to remember who you used to be before you became a mom. This new you is yet to be discovered. That is the beauty of motherhood.
Caring for a newborn is rough. And it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you’re covered in baby poo, spit-up and haven’t slept in days. The newborn stage is a phase and you’ll be surprised how fast it flies by. So take lots of pictures and videos not just of the baby but with you in it. Give them lots of extra hugs, and love on them as much as you want. There is no such thing as spoiling a newborn with too much affection. One day you’ll look back and realize the little things, were not so little after all. Infancy is such a short phase of your life, compared to the next 17 years that are to come. These are my 9 things I think every new mom should know.
In her former life, Sophie was a Clinical Trials Research Coordinator and technology specialist. Trained at one of the nation’s largest not-for-profit healthcare organizations, she is passionate about research and all things related to parenthood, health and wellness. Sophie brings over a decade of experience into her current role where she is dedicated to inspiring and educating others through storytelling. You can find her on Instagram @sophiexmasters
- 9 Things Every New Mom Should Know - April 1, 2021
2 comments
I feel that is one of the so much significant info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But want to remark on few normal things, The website style is ideal, the articles is in point of fact nice : D. Just right task, cheers
Thank you for This.
-grace