Unprepared.
I’ve worn the smallest of uniforms and bikinis in public.
Yet I find I’ve never felt more insecure in my skin than moments as a mother.
Yes, it’s true.
I think a lot of women would agree with me, especially those who have gone from working outside the home to being a stay at home mom, that it is hard to find your way and even harder to find your benchmark for success “in the home”.
The transition has been drastic for me and it’s crazy to think there are days that my “worth” is rapped up in what time we sit down for dinner.
Can I be real for a second? I literally feel anxious over dinner.
If it’s taking too long…
If I waited too late in the day to get started..
If I didn’t make a vegetable…
I feel all of this pressure, but from where? My husband would be happy with corn dogs. The girls pretty much think I’m a professional chef when I make turkey sandwiches.
Why is it that my standards are so high? Or is it that my confidence is so low?
“Give yourself grace” they say, a term I have come to learn as mother on those unusual hard days, filled with self doubt.
Let’s just say I am very familiar with grace.
You see, I believe it’s our undeniable need to please, provide and polish that keeps us going when we’ve been up since 3am with a sick baby. It’s also the same trait that makes us thrive for perfection.
Why is this concept so foreign to a young, esteemed, socially-aware and educated woman?
I’ve realized a big truth recently.
I was unprepared for motherhood.
We are inundated with television commercials about the newest baby accessories…
I have 15 new emails each morning about the BEST Carter’s sale, AGAIN…
I’ve downloaded all the baby apps…
I’ve collected the pamphlets of the best daycare programs in town..
There’s a million Facebook groups for every interest you can think of….
But no one prepares you for THIS feeling.
The gut feeling that you’re not enough. That some how you’ve failed.
No one tells you how to deal with the disappointment of forgetting the school project or the guilt of not making your husband’s lunch because you just didn’t have time!
What is that feeling?
Whatever it is, I just was not prepared.
I’ll try to describe it.. it’s the rage you feel when you just need a MINUTE to yourself.
Or when the baby won’t stop crying on the way home..
Or when you realized that you haven’t dressed up in a while.
“IT” hits me and still does, until I realize how I’ve made it this far.
If it weren’t for prayer and peace in the mornings and friends in my corner who have been there, I wouldn’t have made it through the first year.
It’s why I feel so passionate about motivating our moms, especially new moms! Because our process is so much more emotional than we think!
Since sanity is pretty important as a mother, I encourage you to take some time to find your inner peace! Learn how to talk yourself out of feeling bad or shame.
And most importantly – surround yourself with women who are FOR YOU!
I’ve shared about my support systems in my previous blog post 45 Pounds in 365 Days on poms2pampers.com!
I believe that traditionally men are the protectors and providers of the home and women are the preparers and nurturers.
A women’s emotional stability or lack there of or can severely define our homes.
The enemy wants to tear the barriers down between a man and a woman as well as a mother’s role in the home.
When we are not emotionally sound, we can no longer be there for our children, our husbands and be the women that God has called us to be.
So to sum it all up, BUYING things to be as prepared as you can be for motherhood is not a bad thing.
That’s fine. I’m okay with that.
Just don’t underestimate the value and your need for EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!
What ways have you learned to balance the stress of motherhood?
Tell me about your support system!
- Unprepared For Motherhood. - February 15, 2017
