When you become pregnant for the first time, you have big visions for your life as a mother – You will watch all of the Netflix series’ that you didn’t get to watch while employed. You will have daily coffee dates with your mum group for hours on end all the time. After long walks with other mum and bub duos, you will go re-hydrate at wineries and have more than 3 hours of unbroken sleep for more than one night in a row.
Many of these preconceptions are influenced by social media and the very many mums that most of us follow during our pregnancy. Mums that do not show the real, the raw, and the ugly. Mums that only post photos of themselves with perfectly straightened hair and makeup on. The mums who wear freshly clean and non-spewed on workout gear (that hasn’t seen a workout since being purchased). The mums who hold their coffee in one hand, rock the pram with the other and talk happily with others while their baby sleeps peacefully.
Once your first child is earth-side, you quickly realize that there is a lot more to parenting that what some mum influencers lead us to believe. For most of us right now, the house will be a tip, our hair out of control, our eyelids as heavy as a five-tonne truck, and our clothes most likely stained.
You could clean the house but what would be the point? Within an hour of your child waking, the house would be decorated with:
- Bread crusts (which I swear must have legs given the distance I find them from the high chair);
- Pumpkin puree (the hardest thing to remove from any material or surface other than polished wooden floors – period);
- Ripped paper (which to my dismay is my child’s favorite new texture: When slobbered all over and trampled into the carpet makes for one very distressed mum);
- Toys, lots of toys (which are capable of causing physical injury); and
- Insert here any other item that fits your criteria.
You could try and make yourself look respectable but what would be the point?
- Even if we were to come into contact with any other form of human life, any form of hairstyle would be quickly dismantled by Prince or Princess Grabalot themselves.
- To apply makeup would mean you would look different. Then ensues a physical inspection courtesy of the ten little meddling fingers. Smeared mascara doesn’t look good on anyone.
You could try and get some shut eye, but what a waste of time that would be.
- Whoever invented the saying to sleep when a baby sleeps was surely a man. I fail to see how this is physically possible unless one is comatosed.
- Despite numerous attempts for shut-eye in the early newborn phase, you fail miserably each and every time. As you lay down on the bed which is likely garnished with bibs and stretch and grows almost immediately your body is overtaken by the force that is mum guilt (self-defined as: The horrible beast which rares its ugly head by way of flashing images, thoughts and words through a mothers #babybrain when she wants to do anything remotely classified as for herself).
- Thoughts include:
a. I haven’t done the washing:
b. The hubby hasn’t got anything to eat for lunch;
c. I should really get some exercise in;
d. I need to make some puréed food for when the little one wakes up; and my personal favorite, sleep can wait.
Anyone that can defeat this beast and achieve a deep sleep for longer than 5 minutes deserves a medal. They should check their anatomy as I find the only species able to sleep with the baby (crying or not) is the male.
You could wash your clothes but what would be the point?
- While we all have the best intentions, the vigorous washing routine required for a baby eating solids surpasses any need for clean mum attire while at home. Therefore your clothes live a very social life in the washing basket talking to an ever-increasing number of fellow clothing items each day.
- Even if you are lucky enough to get your clothes washed and hung out (there is not a hope in hell for the trifecta: wash, hung out and put away) on the line in the same day, you wouldn’t get the benefit of them for a few days. You would religiously forget (because surprise, surprise your mind seems to only remember things that pertain to your child’s needs) to get them in before dark each day.
- What’s more, any clothing items that manage to get off the line (let alone worn on your person) stay clean for only five minutes anyway due to no fault of your own.
The above scenarios have the potential of portraying mothers as slovenly slobs who take no pride in themselves whatsoever. We are not slobs. We do still take pride in ourselves and our living environment. That does not change. However, the level of importance we place on what others think of us changes significantly when we become mothers. Being practical and focusing on what actually matters becomes the new mantra. When you have a baby you have to let go of things that would have normally driven you up the wall to firstly and most importantly give your baby the attention they deserve and secondly just to survive this parenting game.
Follow Emma on Instagram and her blog.
I'm Emma and here's a bit of my story.
After the birth of my little girl, Lottie, in December 2018, my life completely changed.It sounds cliche, but it is my reality.Formerly
a career driven family lawyer with massive goals and an unhealthy work/life balance, the slow paced, messy mum life was what I needed to stop
me in my tracks and allow me to regroup, slow down and just appreciate the small things in life.
I am now proudly a stay at home mum and in the last few months have reignited my passion for writing.I am no longer using my words as
evidence, time recordings or file notes as I did as a lawyer but as a way to record my journey through motherhood, pregnancy and everything
between. I like nothing better than recording my thoughts, motivations, pet peeves, highs and lows through real, raw and unfiltered articles, poems and memes about raising my daughter on a
farm in New Zealand.
I blog through my instagram @hangingwiththeheaphys, my Facebook page
Emma Heaphy I Mum Blogger and my website
www.hangingwiththeheaphys.co.nz.
Come along, I would love for you to join me on the ride.
1 comment
Only a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great design. “Individuals may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.” by Benjamin Disraeli.