My husband and I hired a part-time nanny who came highly recommended to us. She’s worked with us for two months now and she has been wonderful with our 5-month-old son. She is attentive and nurturing, takes such good care of him, and shows him the love I would want from a caregiver. I work from home so I get to see some of their daily interactions firsthand.
However, we just have one small issue.
My husband was raised in a Jewish household and I grew up Catholic, going to private Catholic schools for much of my upbringing. As adults, we have both strayed from organized religion but remain spiritual. We agreed early in our relationship we would raise our son in a neutral household, educating him along the way, but allowing him to make his own decisions regarding what he believes spiritually and religiously.
Our nanny is a fairly religious Christian. Her religion is not a problem for us by any means and I can see how it influences and grounds her. However, I have overheard her recently singing religious songs to my son. I don’t believe there is any ulterior motive, trying to indoctrinate my infant or anything like that. She enjoys singing to my son and these are some of the songs she knows well. However, it makes me and my husband uncomfortable.
Yes, I understand that my 5-month-old can not grasp the concepts of these songs yet. But I want to introduce the concept of religion to him in our own way and in our own time.
How would you go about bringing this up with the nanny? Or would you address it at all? I don’t want to offend her in any way but as the parents, I also want to raise my son in a certain way, and want our nanny to support that vision and plan.
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23 comments
A fellow nanny here and also a mumma. If my boss came to Me and explained to me exactly what you wrote in your post, I would 100 percent understand where you are coming from and wouldn’t be offended at all. At the end of the day it’s your child and how you choose to bring them up is up to you and your nanny should follow that.
Good luck with having the conversation with her, She would rather you tell her upfront than not say anything at all and it keep making you and your husband uncomfortable. xx
If I were nanny and my boss asked me to stop singing religious songs, I would not take it personally at all, because it’s not about me it’s about my boss, and her child, and I would stop! I think calmly, and politely asking her to not sing religious songs is very appropriate.
I think that if you truly want your son to make the decision for himself, you have to be open to him being exposed to different theologies. You stated that you’re not pushing your beliefs on him, so what is the harm in it?
Religion is a delicate Topic just as politics. But we are all human beings. Here we are Chatholic and Hindu, we don intro any Religion To my kid. And also those song might get saved on his unconscious. I would just say kindly, i love how you sing and how devoted you are, and we love having you here for our baby, I just will suggest one li thing, is there any other songs you can si to him? Specially not spiritual. We want to wait for a bit before introducing beliefs, I am sure you can Understand.
So I’m A Practicing Christian And My Husband Is A Not Practicing Catholic. I Think You Have Found Yourself In An Extremely Lucky Position To Have Someone So Caring With Your Little Boy. I Do Think You’re Thinking Way Too Much Into It. My Mom For Example,Is A Christian,She Does Not Know Any Secular Songs At All And Will Also Sing Christians Songs To My Kids. I Don’t Think Your Nanny Is Trying To Indoctrinate Your Son And Its Completely Harmless Her Singing. I Wouldn’t Even Mention It As This Could Potentially Make Her Uncomfortable And You Wouldn’t Want To Lose Her. Her Beliefs Are Probably Her Entire Identity And She’s Doing It Without Even Thinking.
It’s Beautiful that she’s singing to your baby. Let it be. It wont influence your baby to conform to any Religion right now, and it seems like the only purpose is to help soothe and make your 5 month old happy. How wonderful that shes grounded in christ. As the parents only you will be Able to influence what religion your child will be, by teaching him. A song wont. I would leave it alone.
Let her know your religions. Then maybe she will get the hint. There is no need to hide your Religion. Explain to her that she is exceeding Your expectations As a nanny but that when the time comes you and your husband want to teach your child about religion(s) on their time. Tell her You’ve Noticed her singing religious songs, and tell her that you dont want to influence your child with a religion that you and your husband Don’t follow. I doubt she would be offended. She just needs to be educated and communication Is key. She Doesn’t know until you tell her. Good luck
Shes happy and so is your baby. A song won’t influence your child’s beliefs. Coming from someone who grew up in a Muslim household knowing Christian songs. It will change the dynamics s as soon as you bring this up to her.
I definitely do not think the nanny means any harm but I agree it is your household and if it makes you uncomfortable, you should tell her that you don’t want it but then again, maybe she’s just singing those types of songs because she doesn’t want to offend by singing other songs that might be considered worldly you should sit together and talk about it and let her know where you’re coming from, and then allow her to explain where she’s coming from but at the end of the day she should definitely respect your wishes with your child and if it makes you and your husband uncomfortable then it probably does need to be addressed I think it’s sweet that she’s looking after your child and just trying to nurture, I don’t really see anything wrong, but that’s just my perspective because I feel children need foundations but as the parent it’s up to you to set them and protect them from this world we live in. And if and if it’s not the timing you want to do it and then she needs to know that but never never be afraid to advocate for your child. You got this Mama! Best Wishes
Jasmine
Good help is so hard to find. Especially caring and attentive help. You are in such a lucky position to work from home and monitor there interactions. I say keep her but if the opportunity arises to speak about it. Take it up with her and explain you want to give your son the choice and he’s just not there yet.
Every single nursery Rhyme has some kind of root to it some are religious, riddles, history, made for drinking games etc. i think she sounds like a caring nanny who is trying to soothe a fussy baby with song and you are reading too far into it.
I don’t really see any harm in the songs. However, if you don’t address whatever’s bothering you early on, it could lead to holding a grudge later, and that might be a problem since it could be too late by then. It’s your call. Figure out your non-negotiables and be Flexible on the rest. Bringing someone into your family is tough for everyone, not just you.
When I was younger, I still spent time with a teacher at school, we did crafts and played, we spent time, everything was nice, I remember she had a red dot on her forehead and also learned a lot about her religion, I’m not a Hindu now But I know from the beginning what this religion is – I think it’s a beautiful thing as long as it’s not oppressive, but I understand the small fear of leading in one direction
We are a jewish and catholic mixed household. If my nanny sang religious songs i would also feel Uncomfortable and i think there is no issue saying soemthing. If she gets upset then she isnt the right nanny for you anyways. That being said, I think she will be very understanding.
I would address it with my nanny. I guess the way id do it is to first praise her or really just thank her for being such a good nanny and for singing the songs maybe she grew up learning but then i guess id be pretty straightforward and let her know that you guys are not ready to bring up religion yet to your child so if she could refrain from singing those songs. Id also give her options of songs that maybe she could sing instead like nursery rhymes or even ms rachel songs lol. Theres a whole youtube channel on baby songs called super simple songs
Your child is now being introduced to religion by their nanny and is beginning to experience faith in their own way. This may not be the last time someone introduces your child to religion and as a parent, you may face uncomfortable situations, but this is not the worst of them. My advice to you would be to let it be and allow your child to enjoy the soothing voice of their nanny..
I would Immediately speak to her. I see no issue if i was the nanny. You are paid to do a job and as a job, your boss can ask You to do or stop doing things within a limit o common sense.
Also, if its Making your husband Uncomfortable… more so to speak to her. If she is a Professional with a small amount of common sense, she’ll Understand. I’m sure she can learn non religious songs, or play stuff on spotify. There’s no harm on a conversation.
I dont think it will be massive deal with the nanny. I’m sure shel’ll Understand
If I were a Nanny and someone told me I wasn’t able to sing a ‘religious’ song, I would find another family to nanny for.
But what if it was a religious somg that went Against Your Beliefs?
This!
I’m sure that your nanny doesn’t mean any harm and feels like she is doing the right thing.
explain to your nanny that you are not a Christian and do not want to introduce your child yet to a religious way, but that you do appreciate her care for your child and for some kind of spiritual expression.
You may also want to get a few children’s books about different religions, myths, holidays and rituals. The nanny’s religious influence will be better understood in the context of teaching tolerance and respect for all sorts of different religious beliefs.
I dont think there is any harm in a few christian hymes or songs. They are light hearted, easy to sing, uplifting & (That’s with any religion). If she were doing some kind of pray or Religious act 100% not.
With that being said it is your home and you have to do what is comfortable for you, bringing something up doesnt mean your rude or stiring up confrontation. You are allowed to run your home the way you want. You should be able to bring up any thing to whomever is taking care of your baby at anytime with out feeling worried or scared!! Xxoo ¨̮
I definitely would adress this, but in a careful and Respectful manner. To me it is important to Have a Good feeling about the way my Child is Being taken care of and perhaps your nanny is totally fine with singing some other songs to your son. He might not be old enough yet, but if you plan to employ your nanny further on in the future he will be. And its always easier to adress Issues earlier on, than to wait until the problem becomes unbearable.
Are there any songs you like to sing with your son? You could also introduce them to your nanny so that there are other options for her to sing.
All the Best, Birgit