The words he said echoed in my mind, haunting my every thought. “Bad mom.” How could he say that? How could he betray me like that, especially to his friends?
It had started like any other evening. The kids were finally asleep, and my husband and I had settled down on the couch to unwind. But then, as if out of nowhere, he had casually mentioned what he had said to his friends earlier that day. He had called me a bad mom, a comment made in jest, he claimed. But to me, it cut deep.
I have been married for 5 years, and like any other wife reading this, my husband and I have our moments of ups and downs where one minute I’m head over heels in love with him and not so much the next. We have two kids with one being slightly on the spectrum. I work a full-time job as a consultant and barely have time to do much other than pick up after my kids when they go to bed.
I had always prided myself on being a good mother. I had sacrificed so much for our children, putting their needs above my own, day in and day out. I had stayed up countless nights, soothing fevers and chasing away monsters from under the bed. I had kissed countless boo-boos and wiped away countless tears. And yet, in one thoughtless moment, my husband had shattered my confidence, my sense of self.
I tried to brush it off, to laugh along with him as if it didn’t matter. But inside, I was seething. How could he belittle me like that, especially in front of others? Didn’t he see all that I did for our family, all that I sacrificed?
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As the days passed, the resentment grew. I found myself withdrawing from him, unable to look at him without feeling a pang of hurt. I wanted to confront him, to make him understand the depth of my pain. But I was afraid – afraid of what his response might be, afraid of the rift it might cause between us.
So I kept silent, burying my feelings deep inside, letting them fester and grow. And as I sat there folding a trailer load of laundry, I knew that something had to change. I couldn’t go on like this, living with this resentment eating away at me.
I need to talk to him, to tell him how I felt, to make him understand the impact of his words. I needed to find a way to move past this, to rebuild the trust and respect that had been lost. I needed to find a way to heal, not just for my sake, but for the sake of our family.
I can either confront him, not with anger or resentment, but with honesty and vulnerability. I would lay bare my feelings, and I would hope – hope that he would understand, hope that he would apologize, hope that we could find a way to move forward, together.
Or I could never bring this up and hopefully get past it because I can’t help but wonder what if he doesn’t apologize or make me feel like I was crazy for thinking he thought I was a bad mom? What if he just doesn’t see the reason why I am upset? That would break me even more.
Signed – Anonymous.
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5 comments
I’m so sorry that his words shattered your sense of self. I would definitely have a conversation With him, seeking to understand his perspective. This objective can help you not attack him and still share your feelings. Ive been married 7 years and have 2 kids and we both seek counseling Separately to overcome the weight on pur shoulders and help us grow in communication Factors like this. It may be how he was Taught growing up, maybe something he said to “fit it” not Taking it to heart or meaning to attack you. There are ao many unknowns and certainly to strengthen your bond and continue to have a good marriage, you have to call these things out and define them for yourselves as a couple. It’s hard to hear that you wronged your spouse and take the blame for the first few times. If your goal is the same, to grow and be better, then you should both be able to move forward together, regardless of how long that takes.
I would 100% have slapped the teeth out of my other halfs face if he said that to me! Of course im exaggerating but no woman should have to hear that because as a mother that is one thing that you absolutely pride yourself on is being there for your kids. all the sacrifices and worrying is just second nature which is what makes you an incredible mum. You understandably are feeling let down by your other half and you need to be made to feel that you can trust that your feelings are safe with your husband. You need to feel validated he most certainly owes you that. I agree dont go in all angry but be firm about your boundaries. Whether it was a joke or not you felt disrespected and you have every right to feel that way. I hope you get the closure and clarity you deserve!
I’d to what the joke was about though?
I cant think of any reason to jokingly say my wife is a terrible mum. It’s not a joking matter..
I understand you 100 percent. These small remarks that mighg not be a big deal to some, is life shattering to others. I myself had come across such remark few days back when he said his happiness ended when he married me. I can totally understand what you are going through. The best is to communicate your pain with him calmy, dont fight. Just tell him to listen to you and he cant say Anything good then just remain silent. I hope things get better for you.
This is so frustrating im sorry he said that to you. It’s no excuse to say it was a joke. It was mean. I’ve had moments in my 15 years with my husband where he’s Talked ill of me jokingly with others, mostly our family, and if hes joking around about something light hearted i laugh along and join in. If he is saying something that he thinks is true or is a dig at my character i tell him he needs to say that to me in private but were a team and are supposed to show a united front. You need to talk to him about it. It’s going to fester and get worse and if he doesnt know how you feel he could do it again. Show your vulnerability because its clear it is hard on you working and being away from your kids for longer hours, it seems like you both could remind yourselves that providing for your children financially and showing up to help in the evening around the house is also extremely important And good parenting and deserves respect.