When prompting people to answer the question, “Who is the most famous mother in history?” Most would say 1 of 2 people. Of course, Mary, Mother of Jesus tends to be first, but a close second is Mother Teresa.
Now don’t let the title ‘Mother’ fool you. I have genuine and profound respect for Mother Teresa. The work she did and the sacrifices she made were other-worldly… but that is kind of my point. The world has had this way of creating sainthood around being a mother, that it has become a thousand-pound weight to bear once given the biological title.
She cared for many, and I reiterate, made sacrifices that were beyond a normal human being but never biologically was a mother. When I look at what she did, and the title she was given, I’m like ‘dang, I freaking suck’. I sometimes don’t even want to sacrifice my precious 7-8 hours of sleep when my kid is miserably vomiting at 2 in the morning like ‘can’t this wait?’.
This toxic idea of mothers being the closest things to saints has vastly contributed to this culture of complete and utter shock around when a mother says she is overwhelmed, tired, not wanting to do the mom-things or the likes. It has created an unreasonable expectation on mothers everywhere. It has bulldozed its way into women’s subconscious and made us feel inadequate, less-than, and quite frankly, like we may have made a mistake when things start to seem impossible.
How can we stop it? The bad news is we likely can’t stop it altogether but -good news- what we can do is bring forward the unprecedented authenticity and rawness behind the actual truths of motherhood. The truths that society has placed a polka-dot dress, apron, clean house, and full dinner table on (I’m talking meatloaf, green beans, taters, and sweet tea kind-of-table).
Here are a few of those truths:
Mothers continue to have basic needs that need to be met and often aren’t. Such needs are support, stability, self-care, etc.
Mothers continue to have emotions that are triggered by basic human interaction (i.e. being a mom doesn’t all of a sudden make a screaming toddler and baby any less stressful than for someone who isn’t a mom).
Mothers continue to have schedules/agendas of their own (chores, tasks, careers, social needs, etc.).
Mothers don’t always want to be asked to do for others. No lie, sometimes we just want to worry about ourselves for a minute.
Mothers have normal thought patterns that continue despite the onset of 256 other things that need to be done in 4-hour windows. Sidenote: sometimes overwhelming emotions come out simply because our brain capacity has had to triple in size, and it can be a lot when out of nowhere, we’re asked to complete a simple task. (i.e “Yes, I will do that, but let’s trade. I run to get your prescription, you run to get the milk that we are currently out of, swap the load of laundry downstairs, finish getting dinner ready, feed the dogs, and wash the bottles”).
Mothers experience pain, loss, emotional valleys, exhaustion the same way everyone else does. We just don’t get the privileged time to deal with it; so yes, sometimes a mom might yell at her kids in Target or bang her head against her car outside their home while trying to load the kids in their car seats, but let’s just assume she is dealing with more than just her emotionally unstable 3-year old, ok?
Mothers don’t have a lot of time. I know, I know – time is universal, we all have-… blah blah blah. No. We don’t “all have-”. Moms are always on borrowed time. Just trust me on this one. Moms do not have enough time like the rest of the non-moms. Our time is crunched down to the very last second we can keep our eyelids up. And sometimes that crazy, strict “schedule” you judge her for is actually just for her sanity and well… everyone else’s.
I honestly could go on. I could give you all the ways that moms aren’t treated or looked at like normal members of society. We are to not only be normal members of society but then also operate and function simultaneously for however X number of kids we have and not let it show that our brains are on overdrive. Kids are here because of us, and we love them to no end, but let’s just remember that we are not gods, saints, or superheroes. We can pretend, and Lord knows my 3-year-old really probably does think that sometimes, but let’s call it like it is.
We’re human. Cut us moms some slack, and well… mind your business.
I love Jesus, ice cream, and caffeine a WHOLE lot. I try to keep it as real as possible. I avoid sugarcoating when I write and use those things we try not to talk about as my inspiration because that's where I think us Mama's feel the most lonely - in those hush-hush places.
Thanks for taking the time to read! If you hate it, I'm sorry you wasted 4 minutes of your life, but it is better than dealing with a poopy diaper or reluctant tweenager... so, in that case, you're welcome.
- She Was A Saint, Not All Mothers Are - September 22, 2021
- Why Moms Struggle With Identity Crisis - July 14, 2021
