7 Things Moms Never Talk About

Motherhood is a phase in a woman’s life where she becomes exposed to a lot of realities, faces a lot of challenges and with her strength, still overcomes them. Finding yourself in an environment where everyone has something to say about motherhood makes being honest about certain feelings and opinions very weird, hence, leaving them unsaid becomes a much easier option. Here are 7 silent struggles moms never talk about but very commonly battle with.

Some of the effects of hormonal changes on them: When a woman gets pregnant, the level of pregnancy hormone spikes up. After pregnancy, it drops drastically, this contributes to baby blues – a feeling of sadness, moodiness, or mood swings that some women experience after birth. Some new moms find it hard to make how they feel a topic of discussion and this may eventually result in postpartum depression. Baby blues is real, postpartum depression is equally very real, however, this is nothing to be ashamed of and the best way to help yourself get through it is to open up to someone you trust and seek help.

Not bonding with your newborn immediately: Throughout your gestational period, all you’ve been thinking about is how happy you would feel when you see your new bundle of joy. In fact, friends, family, and even strangers told you the exact thing. After delivery, you notice your feelings were totally different – you felt nothing like what you had imagined, the connection you so desperately looked forward to wasn’t there. Moms who experience this secretly battle with this feeling in their heads. They feel saying it out would label them as bad mothers and because of the fear of being judged, they never say a word about it. When this happens, help yourself by not thinking about it too much, a lot of mothers have experienced this. See bonding with your child as a process and something you’ll naturally achieve.

Missing life before baby: Sometimes with your baby in your arms, you’d have an extensive flashback of how Friday nights, dinner dates, and other outings with friends, families, or your partner used to be. You’d remember yourself in those glamorous dinner dresses you used to wear, unlike now that your choice of outfits must be very comfortable and should be the type that makes attending to your baby easier. Sometimes, you think of how you’re being deprived of sleep and how you’ve automatically opted out of most of your favorite activities. This is you remembering your old self and trying to compare with your new self. Even though you find it hard to discuss this with someone, it is very normal. Embracing your new self is the only support you can get from yourself at this period. Also, remember that there are interesting things you can engage in despite being a mother.

Sex with partner: Sex is one of the things some women don’t want to think about after childbirth. Some moms become more insecure about their bodies, especially about what it looks like down there. Sometimes, you just don’t feel like doing it because you are too busy with your baby. Different thoughts and questions run through your mind when it comes to intimacy with your partner. Nonetheless, you have to put an end to whatever your mind is probably telling you and have an open discussion with your partner. This will help your relationship a lot.

Mom-guilt: The decision to get an hour of sleep, taking out time to see a movie, leaving your child with a babysitter to go to work, deciding to bottle feed rather than breastfeed and many other decisions you make as a new mom can result in mom-guilt – a feeling of guilt and uncertainty on whether you are making the right decision or not. This feeling can negatively affect your mental health as it can result in postpartum depression. Avoid comparing yourself to other moms especially on social media as a lot portray motherhood as a perfect experience. It is also very important to know that going to work, taking a nap, having some “me” time, bottle-feeding, etc. is nothing to feel guilty about, and understanding that your happiness and that of your baby is what matters most is important. So control your thinking.

The urge to check if the baby is still breathing: This occurs mostly when the child is sleeping or has been sleeping for too long. Paranoia sets in and some new moms would get worried. They’ll put their fingertips at the nose area to check if the baby is still breathing. You aren’t alone and this is very common with new parents just wanting to make sure the baby is okay.

Feeling isolated: When you become a mom, it’s almost certain that the relationship with your friends who aren’t parents just yet may start to feel strained and forced. You may suddenly start feeling alone and having no one to share your struggles and triumphs with. Even if you do have friends who are parents, different parenting patterns and styles may drift you both apart. It is important to know that a lot of mothers feel this way and you aren’t alone. It may help to join healthy and judgment-free motherhood communities (whether online or offline), it’s okay to reach out to other moms you admire as well. There’s a whole community of mothers just like you out there, you just need to find your tribe.