Having A Cesarean Birth Delayed My Milk From Flowing

Breastfeeding isn’t rainbows and unicorns. It wasn’t my magical journey in the beginning by any means. If anything, it made me feel like a failure. After being in labor for 42 hours, I was transferred from a birthing center after not progressing past 6cm. I got to the hospital and got to 9cm but my baby wouldn’t descend into my birth canal and shot back up twice. I’m thankful it was a non-emergency call but it was still a tough one for me to make.

I had a CSection, my beautiful Amelia was born and it was time to breastfeed. I thought breastfeeding would be simple and easy and she would just latch like I always see and hear about. I had my surprise coming head-on at me. I had no milk!! I was honestly in shock. I had to pump right away to give my baby girl some colostrum.

I was already shaming myself from having a CSection and failed breastfeeding journey. I honestly didn’t know my milk could be late because of a CSection. Nobody really talks about that. I didn’t know my body literally didn’t register that the baby hadn’t been born yet and hence the milk and drop to my boobs was late. If I had known, I wouldn’t have worried so much or felt like my body was failing me. This was a piece of important information that wasn’t out there for expecting moms to know the possibility of it happening.

Day 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. up to 9 days and my milk hadn’t come in. I felt like I was starving and failing her. Which thankfully wasn’t the case because she was gaining weight and was doing just fine. I was able to get a few dopplers worth so thank god it was enough to get her going and to be healthy and safe. After a few days of solid pumping, I was getting maybe a 1/2 Oz -1 Oz of colostrum which I was grateful for.

Day 10 came and going about my mama life, I felt a weird and very painful feeling in my breasts. “What the!!!!”, I felt my boobs and realized what was happening. OMG!!! I was so stupid excited and crying in pain at the same time. It was so painful but my milk had finally come in!!

I remember thinking to myself, “now we can breastfeed!”.

I put Amelia on my boob and shocker alert! She wasn’t latching. I burst into tears and the feelings of failing as a mom came rushing back. My milk was in, why wouldn’t she latch? Was there something wrong with me?! It was like an F U moment.

I tried so hard. After so many tears and anger, I decided to get lactation consultants. They came and checked Amelia and myself. Amelia had a tiny tongue tie but nothing crazy or anything to worry about.

Finally, our breastfeeding journey began! I was determined even through tears, I refused to give up.

After a few coaching sessions with my lactation team, we latched!! Painful but the most magical moment!! 😭

Fast forward two months later, Amelia and I were in perfect rhythm. Milk coming in, her being full and happy, both of us feeling amazing.

Even when she started biting through teething we managed, I continued to trust in myself and I’m proud that we breastfed for 22 months!! Never would I have thought that we would have gone that far. It was such an emotional and physical struggle in the beginning but we finally found a flow and that magical journey I wanted finally happened and I really came to love nursing.

Whatever you choose to do with your baby and or however you choose to feed them, is your choice, but please do not give up on yourself, trust your mama intuition and trust in your baby. You’ve got this mama 🙌🏻

So to you mama, much grace to yourself. Be kind. Be kind to your mind, your body, and all of you. I was not the kindest.

This is a brand new world for you and you’re allowed to take time to get your feet wet, and just survive. You are literally becoming a new person in a sense while raising a new tiny human and it’s scary, beautiful and a mind f*ck all at once! You are allowed to survive and not always thrive mama! You’re allowed to feel all your feelings and know they are valid. You’re allowed to feel terrified and have the utmost happiness at the same time. Welcome to motherhood.

Follow Ali Levine and Amelia on Instagram.