I was genuinely congratulated, twice in one week, on my “baby bump.” I am not pregnant. However, I do have a little left over postpartum pooch, but I have always felt amazing and proud of my body after having my triplets; what I went through to bring them into this world, and the scars that represent my story. However, to be honest, when I was congratulated on my “pregnancy.” I didn’t even know how to respond. At first, I brushed it off, then extended love and grace because we all say things we shouldn’t say sometimes. But then…when it happened a second time, I was challenged to really think about my body. Was I really proud of the scars left behind on my stomach after carrying and delivering my triplets? Was the saggy skin really that beautiful? Do I really appreciate the fact that these wounds represent the miracle of life? Did I truly understand the value of my hope wounds, as I call them?
However, despite, my “baby bump,” when I look into the mirror, I see so much more beauty than I ever seen before because my hope wounds, which are with me forever, have far greater meaning to me than I ever knew they would. Even though I may have a little extra pooch and lots of tiger stripes, I longed for scars like these. My hope wounds are the change my body never so coming, but my heart desired so deeply. They are reminder of the excruciating pain and grief infertility caused my heart . Yet, my hope wounds are proof of my strength and bravery through the pain and loss of an empty womb and the extreme joy and glow of a fruitful womb. They are pure beauty because they represent my miracles. they are my story.
My scars also represent some pretty dark days as a new Mommy. For me, the sleep deprivation set in overnight. I truly believe it robbed me of some Mommy joy and stole moments that I desired so deeply to share with my children, but I simply couldn’t because I was exhausted all the time. My exhaustion eventually turned into anxiety and depression and I found myself multiple times sitting on the bathroom floor while my husband held me in his arms doing everything he could to just help me breathe normal. I was terrified, sad,felt ashamed of myself and incredibly lonely also always seeing that when I look at my scars too.
However, despite how difficult my postpartum was and sometimes still is, what I see more than anything when I look at my hope wounds is a beautiful loving Mama trying to do all she can to provide the greatest love and care for her miracles. I see a strong woman who not only fought and conquered infertility, but spoke up and ultimately didn’t let postpartum anxiety and depression beat her. There is so much beauty in that when I look at my hope wounds.
Mama’s, be proud of your bodies and everything they have been through because it is truly miraculous to grow a human being inside of you.
- Confessions of An Anxious Mama: I Hated Breastfeeding - May 7, 2018
- Hope Wounds – A Mama’s Postpartum Experience - April 6, 2018
1 comment
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be really
something which I think I would never understand.
It seems too complex and extremely broad for me.
I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!