I’ve always known that I wanted a family from a really young age, but from the age of about 19 I knew something wasn’t quite right. Very painful irregular periods, constant back pain, always feeling very lethargic, and so on. I was diagnosed with severe PCOS at 21 and then endometriosis later on.
When I met my husband I knew I wanted babies straight away. I had already started seeing my fertility specialist and had fertility operations to remove endometriosis before we got married so as soon as we got married we went back into trying for our first baby.
Like many couples we had lots of disappointments, tests, more surgeries, and fertility drugs to try and help us conceive when I failed to ovulate. It was tough until our consultant said he thought IVF was the best option for us. We got booked in as soon as I recovered from the latest endometriosis surgery and nervously started our first round!
We were beyond grateful that after our very first round and all of the waiting and disappointment we were pregnant!!! We had a beautiful little Bonnie in July 2017! She is amazing and everything I every dreamed of!
After Christmas when she was around 6 months I started to get a lot of back and stomach pain and knew my endometriosis was getting worse. I underwent another operation in April to remove a cyst and my endometriosis again. It was at this point I knew I didn’t want to wait any longer to have another baby. I wanted my body to be in the best possible state to get pregnant so we started fertility medication again as soon as I recovered.
We were allowed 3 rounds of fertility medication but anything more than that was a risk to my ovaries the same way it had affected them when trying to conceive Bonnie. We were having scans every 2 weeks to check my ovaries and make sure the medication was working. We were in the 3rd month and I decided that my anxiety couldn’t go through anymore so I booked our IVF in. However exactly 7 days before we were due to start our round of IVF, I had a feeling and I knew I was pregnant!
It was only 2 days before Bonnie turned one. I had the same feelings as with Bonnie but this one was a lot stronger, and I just knew! I did a test and to our amazement and excitement I was pregnant!!
Everything was going good and then 2 weeks later I had some bleeding which didn’t go away. I was advised by my consultant it was too early to check so I was given progesterone to support the pregnancy but I truly believed I’d lost the pregnancy.
Another 2 weeks after that, just as we turned 4 weeks I went for an early scan with my consultant. He was scanning me and I was expecting him to start with ‘I’m sorry’ but instead he said ‘did you order two??’
I couldn’t breathe! I was crying and laughing and then suddenly he said ‘oh wait, there’s a third!’
At this point I was shaking! I couldn’t breathe, I was in so must shock and so happy but so worried as he had said there were a lot of risks involved.
My husband and I cuddled each other outside after the nurse had given me some water to stop me from passing out!
We had scans every 2 weeks from that point and all was perfect! We honestly believed we would get our 3 precious babies! Everything was fine, our 12-week scan went wonderfully and we were finally able to share our news
But then at 18 weeks we had a placenta scan and some abnormalities were seen on one of the babies brains, their growth rate had slowed significantly since the last scan a week and a half before and the doctor was very worried
About a week after that scan, we found out we’d lost our little baby. We were devastated.
They were able to tell us she was a little girl. We named her Dotty. The rest of my pregnancy was a battle between happy and sad, love and grief all mixed into one
We still saw parts of her on every scan despite how hard they tried to avoid scanning her. We would go into the scan room terrified for our little survivors. We were grateful that they were healthy and growing, but at the same time so much grief filled us both too.
I battled with a great deal of anxiety but knowing they were ok helped me to get to 36 +6 weeks pregnant where we had a planned c-section and delivered our three precious babies.
First came a little girl – our Delilah, even a little boy – our Wilfred and then our angel Dotty.
We were so in love and so relieved that Delilah and Wilfred were OK! They were truly perfect!
Dotty was taken away by our bereavement midwife with her special bunny and placed in a beautiful Moses basket. We had a funeral for her on the 2nd April and laid out little triplet to rest.
We were so grateful we got to take home our 2 beautiful healthy babies to meet their precious big sister Bonnie!
We now have a nearly 3-year-old and 2 wonderful one-year-olds. We also have a little angel who we think about every day.
Q – How long did you struggle with infertility before having Bonnie?
A – We were lucky in the fact that we knew about my problems from so early on that we started fertility appointments and certain medications for my PCOS around 2 years prior to and started trying to conceive around a year before I got pregnant.
Q – How’s the Endometriosis now?
A – I need to have another surgery which was booked for March but unfortunately due to COVID 19, it’s been put back until a safer time.
Q – Endometriosis is more common than people think however surprisingly there isn’t that much awareness. What’s your advice to a mother trying for a baby who has endometriosis?
A – To most definitely if they can try and see a really good fertility consultant or gynecologist. As you said a lot of people don’t know a lot about it and suffer as a result. I also always found that reflexology helped. It made me calmer and also seemed to help with the pain.
Q – Do you have plans of having more kids?
A – I’d love to have another baby but I need to persuade my husband as he’s a little apprehensive because of what we went through with Dotty.
Q – With Dotty did the doctors have an explanation as to what may have happened?
A – We were told she had severe brain problems. We were asked if we wanted tests done on her when she was born but we chose just to lay her to rest as they didn’t believe it was anything that could cause problems to Delilah’s and Wilfred which was a concern of ours originally.
Q – How did you or how do you cope with the loss of Dotty?
A – I suffered terrible anxiety as a result and was referred to a perinatal mental health counselor to talk about how I was feeling which helped a great deal and was the best thing my husband ever did for me. I also had a wonderful bereavement midwife. I found the most helpful thing though was calming techniques such as walking, meditation and reflexology. Also opening up my Instagram account and talking about my anxiety was a great help. I was contacted by so many people going through the same.
Q – What’s the best advice you have been given regarding motherhood?
A – That even if you feel alone, or overwhelmed or feel like you’re not doing a good job, to always remember that you’re NOT alone, you are everything that your baby needs and that you’re doing the most amazing job. Just to never forget how wonderful you are as a mother. That’s what my friends and family always told me. Oh, they also told me to ‘breathe’ a lot 🤣.
Q – We always ask moms this bonus question – as a mom, what are your top three products you absolutely love?
A – 1. My Hummy white noise teddies have always been a MUST in our house!
2. Metanium nappy cream to look after their sensitive little bottoms.
3. Next to me crib for early days.
4. babybjorn bouncers for when they’re more alert.
Sorry just realized that’s 4 🙈.
Q – The more the better! Thank you for that. Lastly, how long have you been in the Pregnant and Perfect community and why? 😊
A – I started following Pregnant and Perfect when I saw one of the amazing pregnancy photos featured on my search page and literally fell in love with the page. Your name says it all, every photo I saw on here was Pregnant and perfect and completely real life.
I just love the support it offers to pregnant and new mums as well as all other mummies.
Follow Kirsty and her family on Instagram @bonnie_and_the_peas_mummy.
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