Postpartum Intimacy: Feeling Rejected and Alone

I wanted to share something deeply personal that I’ve been struggling with, hoping that some of you might relate or offer advice.

After my baby was born, I had an episiotomy. It took me about three months to fully recover, and now, five months later, my husband and I still haven’t been intimate. I tried to get close to him, but he seemed to ignore me. I sleep in a separate room with the baby and he rarely made any effort to come close to me; we only exchanged a few kisses, nothing more.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I confronted him, almost crying, and poured my heart out about how I felt ignored and unloved. He said he would try to work things out between us, but it felt like he was always making excuses. He’d tell me he’s busy with his job, stressed, and doesn’t have time, and somehow he made me feel guilty for even asking for intimacy.

The worst part was when he admitted that he watches porn and is addicted to it, which is why he doesn’t want to be intimate with me. Hearing that was like a punch to the gut. He wasn’t even guilty or ashamed, and that hurt even more. He told me to stop bringing it up, making me feel ashamed for wanting to talk about it.

I know this situation is toxic, and it feels like he’s trying to control me by making me feel guilty and ashamed for wanting intimacy. It’s incredibly depressing, and I’m struggling to cope with these feelings of rejection and loneliness. I just want to feel loved and connected again.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you handle it? Any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Sending love to all of you,
Lonely S.