Before I had my baby I would tell myself “You’ll still be you, you’re going to be a cool mom, you won’t ever talk about poop, your boobs will still be just for you and your social media won’t be bombarded with baby pictures” … Was I ever wrong.
During my pregnancy I had overheard a conversation at Starbucks between a new mom and her friend. The mom was talking about how ‘proud’ she was that her baby had pooped after two days of only having wet diapers. Having yet to experience motherhood, I judgingly thought to myself, “how can you be PROUD of a bodily function?” It is surprising how quickly that changed once I had my baby. She was just over one week old and had not had a bowel movement in 2 days. While waiting for her to poop I obsessed over the little yellow line on her diaper turning blue and would get overly excited “Maybe this is the one! Maybe she pooped!” To my disappointment time and time again she didn’t. I had started Googling everything there was about poop for breastfed babies. All I could think about were her bowels. On the third day it happened: she exploded, all over her cute outfit, all over her change table and all over her dad! I had never been more PROUD. I went as far as a dance and a standing ovation.
I might have even taken a picture of this monumental moment. I deleted it shortly after, since a dirty diaper is not something I want to see while scrolling through my photo album, on any other day. What I do like to see though, even if it’s the umpteenth photo of the same facial expression, are pictures of my baby. Before I was a mom I would get slightly annoyed at moms on Facebook and Instagram. I recall thinking “if I wanted to follow your baby, I would ask for their Instagram name, I want to follow the cool parts of your life”. I realize now that their baby is their life. Babies are the fun, exciting and intriguing things to capture and document.
Before I had a baby I did not understand how you could spend all day with with this little being and still want to talk about her… All the time. I thought I would be the mom that gives a five minute update then move on to “cooler, more interesting topics”, until I met her. I now realize she is the coolest and most interesting aspect of my life. I truly believed I would spend time with my friends talking about the movies I had recently watched, about the newest gadget or purse I wanted to buy, and that I would still Keep Up with the Kardashian. Unbeknownst to me anything other than baby things were not as . In reality, my friends and I talk about the best diaper brands, ways to prevent diaper rashes, cute new outfits we want for our babies, the best nipple cream, the newest carriers and the miracle that is a soother, or what we call “the mute button” and laugh for several minutes at how clever we think that nickname is. Talking everything baby is my new cool thing.
Not only do I spend most of my time talking everything baby, I baby talk anywhere and everywhere. I recall seeing women making faces and acting silly with their children and thinking that I could never do that, not because I’m not silly but because I care too much what people think of me. None of those insecurities matter any more. The first time I did groceries by myself with her I found myself talking to her about what I was going to make for dinner, dancing in the aisle and making silly faces to keep her entertained while we tackled the most boring chore there is. She made it fun, she brings out my silly, so if you hear “Aaagoo a goo goo” while in the grocery store, it might just be me hoping my daughter thinks I’m cool.
Caring what others think of me also had an impact on how I perceived breastfeeding. I thought breastfeeding was something I would only do in the privacy of my own home and would spend my “free time” (ps. what is free time?) pumping so I would have bottles ready for when we were out and about. I never thought breastfeeding was a “cool” thing to do, and always thought “I will never bare my breast in public, what if someone sees!?” That way of thinking changed the moment she was placed on my chest for the first time. All I could think about was feeding her and how cool it was that my body made everything she needed. I now realize feeding your baby is all that matters. What would be uncool is having my baby screaming in a restaurant because she is hungry and I am too self conscious to feed her. So, when she is hungry I find the nearest bench, unclip my super cool nursing bra, release the fountain that is already leaking through my clothes, lift my shirt, bare my breast and feed my baby.
All the things I used to think would make me an uncool mom are actually all aspects of being a good mom. Don’t hold back, if your baby is your world, that’s really cool.
PS. Did you hear? No makeup, yoga pants, messy buns and milk stained shirts are in? Keep it up Momma!
Driving her sense of adventure is her insatiable desire to have an impact on those around her. Before motherhood, Jess’ career supporting women in domestic violence shelters further confirmed that she feels most impactful when empowering other women. While she is hoping to spend most of her time empowering the tiny human she grew, she also wants to spread her message to women around the world through her writing.
Jessyka is known as Mom to her beautiful baby girl, born November 24th 2016; Duck to her loving, supportive and hard-working partner; and Human to an energetic, cheeky little Yorkie.
- My Breastfeeding Struggles, Inverted Nipples And What Finally Helped Me - September 1, 2020
- My Battle With Postpartum Anxiety: My Baby Wasn’t Sick; I Was - August 19, 2020
- 7 Things I won’t Regret on our First Year Together… - February 23, 2018
