I envy families from both partners’ sides who are in harmony. I always did wish I had that. I have been married for 12 years now and my relationship with my husband is very close to perfect. We have three lovely kids and have been living overseas since we got married. Everything is great excluding the relationship with my husband’s family which in no better words is… absolutely nonexistent. I’m not liked by them (not sure why) and this has sadly extended to my 3 kids.
My children have no relationship with their grandparents or uncles and aunties from their father’s side. They do have an amazing relationship with my family though so I chose not to worry too much about it and keep it that way.
However, my kids who are very inquisitive have been constantly asking about their grandparents and cousins from “daddy’s family”. Why? Because my husband’s father, mother, brothers and sister call him all the time (yup!) but never ask to speak to me or the kids. This puzzles the kids.
I find that my husband being neutral didn’t want to take sides to make peace reign and I’m really okay with that rather than picking fights or forcing us to be in their lives.
I’m teaching my kids about love, forgiveness, and the importance of family and I’m at a loss on what to tell them about my husband’s family. Do I just tell them we have no relationship with their father’s family or do I try to make them have a relationship with them regardless of the fact that we aren’t really on great terms?
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10 comments
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I’m in a very Similar Situation except his family on his Dads side only talks to him if they need something. We all live in the same town but we never see them. They act like im nonexistent if we do see them. They treat me and my kids horribly so my husband doesnt even want to Be around them. It took them 5 months to meet our new baby so we just move on without them. Their loss ♀️
You seem such a kind person and I totally understand you feeling sad that this situation somehow affects your children.
It is logical for them to have questions and the need to know more about their family from daddy’s side and I think you should also discuss it with your husband as well. To find a common solution on how you will explain to your kid’s the social distance that you keep from your in-laws.
Do you know the reason? For sure you will know deep inside of you why they Don’t want any relationship with your family. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Maybe it is for good.!
I agree that I wouldn’t like after so many years to put them in my life and my children’s life as well. They may harm the harmony you are living in.
Maybe your husband can sometimes take them to his parents so they can have some kind of contact with their cousins etc.
Wishing you all the best.
For You to feel this wag actually shows that you are a good person. I’m in a similar Situation but my husband takes their side which is greatly affecting our relationship. I Personally do not want any relationship with them at all. From the way i see it, we can never be in a happy in-law relationship Ever again.
I’m in a Similar Situation. The good news is they all live far away. The bad news is, unlike your husband who chooses to remain neutral, mine has tried to “fix” The Problem but not in The best way, so it made things worst. They are pretty toxic, so right now I’m Keeping my distance As are they. You’re in-laws sound Toxic as well, to not Even ask about the kids, their grandchildren. It’s Difficult to get along with toxic People – I say Keep your distance As well unless they change (show remorse and Apologize). You’re kids will understand soon enough. If you’re kids keep asking, I would tell them to go to their Father.
I think its not your responsibility to carry. You have no control over how they act. Try to be honest with your Children without particularly bad mouthing your inlaws. Children are smart and intuitive, they will pick up soon enough what is really going on. All the best to you 🙂
Why is your husband not saying anything about it? Was there a fight or an argument and he’d rather just stay clear?
My situation is kind of similar but we all live in the same town. Even when we meet its so weird that they have no idea how to play or react to my kids. I hate it.
I think you should forget about them. If they are not interested in having a relationship with you and your kids, they do not deserve your time.