Pregnancy changes the body in many ways, and these changes continue after birth as the body begins to return to its prior hormones and form. During this time, there are many questions about safety, comfort, and wanting to be sexually active. While it may be hard to ask or uncomfortable to discuss for some people, these are common things that most women face postpartum.
The 6-Week Wait
It is recommended that sex should be avoided until 6 weeks after delivery. This is to give ample time for the healing of any tears and stitches and to reduce the risk of infection. Often, there is a perineal tear or a cut that might take weeks to heal. Because this increases the risk of infection, sex alongside tampons, and menstrual cups should be avoided as they could introduce bacteria.
After birth, there is also thinning of the tissue that can lead to easy rips and tears which in turn leads to further discomfort, bleeding, and infection risks. While the body heals there is a risk of hemorrhaging when bleeding occurs, and this could result to an additional hospital stay. In a nutshell, whether your sex drive comes before or after 6 weeks, it is ESSENTIAL to allow your body to properly recover and heal before engaging in intercourse after birth.
It May Not Feel So Great the First Time – Quickies Are Your BFF
Birth is a traumatic event for the body; it leaves the body, muscles, and skin stretched and sore. Everything moves and adapts to make room for the baby, including the widening of the cervix and the birth canal for the baby to fit. The body will be sore for days after birth, even weeks (if the spine has been moved or hips have shifted out of position) and the vagina will take a few weeks to heal. Touching the body as it heals can cause irritation and pain. It is important to leave time for the healing process and begin slowly afterward; this would encourage the body to adapt and return to regular life.
As you begin to reignite your sex life, quickies may become your best friend. You are most likely not sleeping through the night and busy all the time, making it more difficult to make time for sex. Making time for a quickie is easier than setting aside time for anything more. The shorter amount of time is, the less likely that there would be friction or pressure to the vagina. This is also the part where I mention that you have a bundle of joy who may require so much of you that quickies or sleep may be all you can give with the little energy you have left.
Those Hormonal Changes May Get to You
Hormonal changes occur during pregnancy and after childbirth. With changing hormones come changing feelings, mood swings, and sometimes anxiety or depression. These may decrease the want for sex and can cause you to feel disconnected from your partner. It can be difficult to stay in the mood for sex when moods are changing so frequently.
Just so you don’t panic, it is important to add that because of all the oxytocin that is produced whilst having sex, your breasts may start letting out milk whilst you’re getting busy. It’s ok – It happens!
You Would Want It Again, Eventually
It is important to remember that this phase will pass. Your libido will return when your mind and body are ready. Having a loving and patient partner makes everything easier. Over time you will learn to accept then love your body as it is and appreciate it for the work that it has done. As your confidence, hormones, sleep, and moods improve you will find that you are ready for a regular sex life again. These are all normal processes and feelings, and while everyone’s experience is personal, many are shared experiences. Other moms have been through it – you are not alone.
Own Your Process Without Shame
The main takeaway here is to understand that every woman’s body is different. Your healing process may take longer, your sex drive may come in quickly or you may be totally turned off for months or even years on end. Always remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself and have these conversations with your partner beforehand so they know what to expect.
This encouraged me to divulge into my own journey on ways in which individuals could be supported. I chose to become a pediatric sleep consultant and doula because there have been many times in my life that I myself, have felt externalized, and disempowered. Because of this, I am driven to make a difference for all families.
Whilst managing my practice, I enjoy volunteering and hosting local childbirth education classes and advocating for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum awareness on behalf of all pregnant persons.
I also enjoys spending time with my incredibly loving and supportive husband; and being a fur-mommy to an energetic, free-spirited Yorkie.
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