Landon’s birth was the most empowering experience of my life. It made me feel so grateful to be a woman and appreciate the female body, MY body. Dear body- thank you for growing a healthy and beautiful human being. Thank you for keeping my baby safe and for giving him the nutrients he needed to grow and develop. Thank you for giving me the strength and energy to go to work, go to the gym, and do all the things I needed to do each day for my family and I. Thank you for allowing me to birth my baby so strongly and fiercely. Thank you for making me feel grateful to be a woman, and so empowered through this miraculous journey and my birth to my beautiful baby boy. The female body is so extraordinary.
Well before I gave birth, I have always loved reading and hearing birth stories from other women. I believe that each and every story is beautiful, unique, and special. Again and again, it demonstrates how phenomenal it is to be a female, a woman, a mom.
I am so proud of Landon’s birth story and I am excited to share such an intimate and vulnerable part of myself through an experience that has significantly contributed to who I am today.
I will refer him to “baby” as we decided not to find out the gender while I was pregnant. There was no specific reason why, we just thought being surprised would be wonderful and we would be happy either way. Though it was pretty difficult- I am a huge planner and I fear the unknown. Robbie had trouble with not knowing too- he was low key wishing/trying to get my doctor to slip up during our appointments. But it was so worth it in the end.
As you probably know if you read my other posts, I am a fairly detailed person. I wrote this immediately after Landon was born so I wouldn’t forget a single detail, I wanted to relive it over and over again. The best day of my life. A warning – my story may be descriptive and graphic and may not be suited for everyone.
The Day Before:
I would like to start my story off the day before I went into labor because it was when I started feeling different. I did a 90-minute workout, I remember it clearly to this day. I worked out the chest and then did 20 minutes of cardio on the elliptical and 10 minutes of cardio on the bike. I felt pretty tired, more tired than usual during a workout. I then went home and did the exercises my doula suggested to naturally induce labor.
I was 37-weeks and 7-days gestation. I was off work and I went to visit my parents. My lightning crotch felt so strong, shooting up my front and butt to my back. For those that don’t know how it feels, it’s like sharp shooting pains. I had this periodically throughout the second half of my pregnancy but never this severe. I was walking to the park with my nephew which was a 20-minute walk, and halfway through I had to stop and rest on a bus bench because of the pain.
I remember texting Robbie that I didn’t think I was in labor, though I felt a bit off. That evening, we went to visit our friend and their baby girl. I ate Hawaiian pizza with banana peppers (spicy) – trying to naturally induce labor.
12:30 AM: When we got home, I still felt off. I had some minor cramps and felt like I needed to use the bathroom. I told Robbie I was going to go sit in the living room for a bit. I ended up falling asleep on the couch.
3:30 AM: I woke up with contractions. I was half asleep and wasn’t sure if it was Braxton Hicks contractions. Eventually, I fell back asleep. I woke up again to contractions. After the third time, I thought it would be a good idea to time the contractions to see if they were consistent. I used the contraction timer on the app Ovia Pregnancy, on my phone. After timing a few more contractions, I realized they were exactly 10 minutes apart.
4:30 AM: I messaged my doula for some support. She was so great and supportive and told me to do some pelvic openers. I stayed in the living room because I didn’t want to wake up Robbie yet. Mainly because I wanted him to be as well-rested as he could possibly be because I knew my labor could be very long, especially since it was my first baby. Also, as part of our birth plan, I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible, so I knew we would be home for a while. After some stretches, I laid on the couch and closed my eyes, and continued to time my contractions.
7:00 AM: I went into the bedroom and laid down and cuddled with Robbie while continuing to time my contractions. I started to feel so excited and couldn’t believe this would be the last time I laid in bed with it just being us two, and that soon enough we were going to be “parents”. I snapped a photo of us. I could not fall back asleep, I was so antsy and excited for Robbie to wake up so I could say the words I have been dreaming of saying, “I am in labor”; I was even more excited to see his reaction.
Robbie woke up and I finally said it, “I think I am in labor”. I will never forget the way he looked at me, with the biggest grin on his face still half asleep. Immediately, he asked if there was anything I needed or wanted him to do. I told him nothing, I just wanted to relax and take things slow.
I continued to time my contractions and we started to gather everything we had packed and prepared for the hospital and Robbie loaded up his truck. My contractions were between five to seven minutes apart during this time.
As part of my plan, I had a shower. Robbie then asked if I wanted to go out to eat. I had heard from a friend that your pain tolerance is more tolerable when you are out in public. We decided to go to Perkins. It was also part of my birth plan to eat a good meal before I went to the hospital because I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat anything once I checked in.
9:15 AM: Being in public was a great idea, I felt super relaxed, at ease. I continued to time my contractions as I ate. After we finished, while paying the bill, the waitress asked if we had any plans today and Robbie said “have a baby”. She asked, “is your due date soon?” and he said “she’s in labor right now” and she responded, “wow I didn’t even notice”. At this point, I felt like the contractions were very tolerable, around five to six minutes apart.
Afterward, we went to meet with the designer building our house to go over some details. The contractions weren’t very noticeable when I was distracted.
We then went back home to watch the series finale of Gotham on PVR. My contractions weren’t close enough yet to go to the hospital, ranging from five to seven minutes apart.
After the episode ended. I started to feel a wave of emotions overcome me. I kneeled on the edge of the bed. I started to get teary-eyed and felt emotional – scared; anxious; worried, you name it. Robbie was amazing, so calm, patient, and supportive, though I could tell he was worried. It hit me that I was going to meet my baby soon and that things were going to change forever.
Robbie suggested we should go for a walk, which was also a part of my birth plan. During this time, I was checking in with my mom and my sisters who suggested I should start thinking of going to the hospital. As we walked to the end of his block, my lightning crotch was so strong, I started having severe back pain. My contractions were three to five minutes apart at this time.
1:15 PM: When we got back to the house, we immediately left for the hospital. At this point, my contractions were still tolerable, but I knew I was experiencing back labor, I had extreme lower back pain. I did not expect to get admitted yet, as I didn’t think I would be 4-cm dilated.
We went to triage and I had an internal check. I was 4-cm dilated! Robbie was so excited. He was holding my hand and started clapping it with his. He told me he was so proud of me (he thought the first 5 cms were the longest and hardest – boy! was he wrong).
2:15 PM: We transferred to our delivery room. I turned on the St. Louis Blues game for Robbie. I changed into my personal nightgown to feel more comfortable. There were two nurses present in the room with us throughout my labor, one was being trained and we went through a total of three-shift changes.
I was intermittently externally monitored, the frequent checks were fairly uncomfortable especially during contractions, I had a rash on my stomach from Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPP) that I had gotten at 37-weeks and the gel made the rash itch even more. Though, I was thankful to be intermittently monitored because this meant that I could be mobile.
My mantra was to stay as calm as possible because my staying calm meant that hopefully, the baby’s heart rate was steady. I was fairly active and mobile, which helped with the pain tolerance.
3:20 PM: Once my doula arrived, I started to do pelvic opening exercises, hip stretches, side-lying stretches, bouncing on a medicine ball, which helped with my pain tolerance. The atmosphere in the room was very relaxed, the TV was on in the background and I was trying to just relax and let my body tell me what I needed, whether it was to move, to stretch, to walk, to lie down, etc.
6:30 PM: My mom arrived at the hospital. We met the on-call doctor. We talked about my plan, hoping to have an unmedicated natural birth. I had a few questions about the labor, the benefits of oxytocin shot after baby was delivered, delayed cord clamping, etc. We had two different residents come in to check on me, who immediately left the room as they could tell that everything was still slow and relaxed and that there was no need for interventions at the moment, I wasn’t interested in any during that time either. I continued to do stretches and hip openers with Robbie and then had a period of rest as I was getting pretty tired. While lying down, my contractions slowed down to 10-minutes apart. Throughout I ensured to drink lots of water and tried to go pee every 30 to 60 minutes to help with baby’s head lowering down. Throughout my labor, I also drank beef broth and juice, and had Jello and popsicles, to try to gain energy and help me keep going.
8:15 PM: The nurses completed another internal check and I was only 4-5 cm dilated. They called the resident to come discuss options with me, as I barely dilated in the last 7-hours. I was fairly disappointed, though Robbie was very reassuring and supportive. When the resident came, I did not have a good interaction with him and I felt that he was aggressive and was really pushing to induce me, which I declined. After this interaction, I was feeling very discouraged.
Robbie suggested we go for a walk. During this walk, he gave me so much reassurance, validation, and support. Exactly what I needed at that moment to help me keep going.
We both returned to the room with so much motivation and determination. With support from my doula, we actively started doing more exercises – the three sisters, the mile circuit, lunges, and squats, to voicing some positive affirmations/mantras (in which Robbie did every single exercise with me if he wasn’t supporting my body with his). I had never felt as close and connected to him as I did during those moments.
11:45 PM: The doctor came and did an internal check. I was 100% effaced and finally 7-cm dilated! We were beyond thrilled! I was in the transition phase. She did a sweep to help things along. She realized the baby was sunny side up (OP position) – the baby’s face was pointed up towards my stomach and the baby’s spine was against mine, which was contributed to the back labor. We continued to do the exercises. My doula suggested to be on all fours or leaned forward to help flip the baby.
12:00 AM: While we were going up and down the stairs, I lost my mucous plug. After this, my contractions got stronger, lasted longer, and were closer together.
1:00 AM: I decided to go into the shower to help with pain management. This was my last resort because I heard from several moms that this was a lifesaver. We had one in the bathroom in our room. It was really nice to have the hot water streaming down on my back.
1:30 AM: I went to lie down and rest with Robbie.
2:00 AM: The nurses encouraged me to try to start pushing. Though I did not yet have the “urge” to push. With the head of the bed inclined, I went on all fours with my forearms resting on the bed, this was the most comfortable position for me. I started to push. The nurses wanted to do another internal check on me, to see if I was yet 10-cm’s dilated, to which they confirmed I was. Though I still did not yet have the urge to push.
3:00 AM: I also tried to push in a squat position using the squat bar. The nurses realized I was losing more blood with my mucous plug and wanted to do another internal check. I then got a strong urge to push.
After the check, they realized my vaginal wall was swollen (a small lip on two sides) which changed my cervix shape. I was encouraged to stop pushing. They also said they wanted to start continuously externally monitoring me. This was the most uncomfortable I was during my whole labor, as I had to stay in one position to be monitored and I did not like lying still at all.
Since I now had the urge to push, having to hold in these urges during my contractions caused excruciating pain. I remember it so clearly, my doula looked into my eyes and encouraged me to hold in my pushes and said that it may cause my labor to go backward if I pushed. I remember not really fully understanding at the time, except the fact that this was serious and that I may not be able to deliver vaginally. I started getting worried that something was wrong. The pain continued to get worse and worse. I told the nurses I didn’t think I could hold it in for much longer. They continued to encourage me to, I did this for about 30-minutes. My doula suggested visualization, such as blowing a feather (this helped a bit). I remember laying on my left side with both hands clenching onto the bed rail so tight, my whole body tightening, as I stared into Robbie’s eyes during each contraction. Every time I had a contraction I tried with all my ability to suck in and not push. It was during this time that I started to really feel like I couldn’t handle the pain anymore and I didn’t know if I could do it. I really started to doubt myself here.
3:35 AM: The nurse checked me again, I was still swollen on one side. She wanted to monitor me a little while longer. At this time, my contractions were long and one right after another. I was in SO. MUCH. PAIN. It was during this time I was trying all the methods that I learned to help me cope with the pain. I was breathing like a horse, making low moans and noises, blowing raspberries, repeating positive affirmations and positive self-talk. Literally anything I could think of to help distract me and cope with the pain. I begged the nurses to let me push.
3:55 AM: FINALLY! The nurses did another internal check and said I was ready to push again. I was thrilled. I started off using the squat bar. During my contraction as I was pushing, my water broke, it was a big burst/gush of liquid. I started feeling worried, scared, like I wasn’t safe. I started asking for the doctor. The nurse stated that the doctor doesn’t come until I crown (this is when they see the baby’s head), but that she could call the resident. Both Robbie and I told her we did not want him due to our previous encounter with him. I was worried he may regress my labor or encourage unnecessary intervention. The nurse then called the doctor.
When the doctor entered the delivery room I instantly felt at ease and safe. The doctor continuously encouraged and talked me through the process of pushing. Part of my plan was to listen to my body, push, and not listen to anyone else tell me when to push. At this point, I did not care and I just wanted my baby out safely. I listened carefully to her every instruction.
As I progressed, the doctor asked me to go into a different position because she would not be able to catch the baby while I was squatting. I went on all fours with the head of the bed inclined. The doctor was great at telling me exactly what to do, which is what I needed because I was so exhausted mentally and physically. I remember her saying “you are amazing! You are so strong! You are so close etc.”, everything I needed to hear to help me through. She was so encouraging, I kept thinking that I was progressing and the baby was almost out. But then she would say “I almost see the head” and I remember thinking to myself “oh my god that’s it!? The head isn’t out yet?!”
The contractions were so strong. I started feeling a burning sensation as I was pushing. This was fairly painful.
The doctor gave Robbie instructions on what to do once the baby came out. This would prevent me from falling off the bed once I flipped over onto my back for delayed cord clamping. He was agreeable to this.
Near the end of my pushing, I was in a lot of pain. Robbie got very emotional and tearful, I remember feeling his tears drop on my right shoulder. When the head came out, Robbie looked and started to get even more emotional. That moment between when the baby’s head was out and waiting for my next contraction to push felt like a lifetime. Robbie absolutely lost it at that point.
4:31 AM: That last push, I felt the baby’s body slide out of me in one quick motion. It was a surreal experience and moment. Robbie was so emotional that he forgot his task to flip me and the doctor quickly had to come to the right side of the bed to do it.
I felt so much relief and shock that our baby was finally here. I felt them immediately give me a needle of oxytocin in the thigh as I turned over. The baby was placed on my chest. They then shouted, “it’s a boy!” As hard as it was not knowing the gender during my pregnancy, this moment was so worth it. Robbie cried so hard. I couldn’t believe it, I had a baby boy, a son! Robbie immediately called his parents and choked out the words, “it’s a boy”. My mom also instantly called my dad on Facetime to share the wonderful news.
Landon immediately yelled out and cried. A sound I will never forget and will cherish forever. His energy was so powerful and filled the room. I felt instant relief. I can still hear his cries in my head now. My mom recorded the birth for us, and I cry every time I watch it, especially when I hear his cry.
We immediately did skin to skin. I automatically started singing hush little baby (I did this a lot while he was in my belly) and patting and rubbing his back. It is amazing, the maternal instinct they say you often get once you have a child, I didn’t even think twice before I tried to soothe him through his cries with this song and my touch.
4:37 AM: Robbie cut the umbilical cord. The doctor pushed on my belly and my placenta slid out shortly. The rest was a daze as I was taking in every minute of Landon laying on my chest. Still in absolute shock, he was here. The doctor did a quick check and confirmed that I did not tear! I was so surprised as I was really fearing that I would.
5:00 AM: I started to breastfeed. We put Landon close below my right breast and he did the breast crawl for a short distance. He was able to find my breast from smelling my colostrum/milk. With help from Robbie and I, he immediately latched on. This was another moment I will never forget, Robbie and I so connected, feelings of euphoria, as my body was nourishing our baby, it felt like we were the only ones in the room, in the world, and nothing else mattered.
After 20-minutes, he unlatched and I switched him over to the left side. He instantly latched (if only breastfeeding stayed easy as it did at that moment. That will be for another post). I was so relieved he was breastfeeding and I had colostrum to feed him. He drank for another 20-minutes. He got his vitamin K shot while laying on my chest. Robbie was so eager to hold Landon.
5:35 AM: The nurses started Landon’s check and weigh-in. Robbie voiced so much excitement with the measurements, instantly proud of everything Landon was. He yelled out the measurements to me.
I laid in bed exhausted, catching my breath, and overall in shock still from all that had just happened. In shock that Landon was now earthside. I will never forget the emotions, the energy, and the feelings in the delivery room. So much love, joy, excitement, positivity, and pure happiness. I couldn’t stop kissing and stroking Landon as he laid on my chest. I felt so much warmth and love, though, it is impossible for me to truly describe in words how I felt. I wanted to stay in that moment forever and to snuggle him forever. He was so tiny, his skin hairy yet so smooth, so delicate and so soft. He was precious, innocent, and fit perfectly on my chest, sinking into my body like a puzzle piece. I couldn’t believe Robbie and I made such a perfect little human. In those first moments, I instantly did not know how we ever lived without him before. He made us a family, we were complete.
Later that morning, my doula texted me, “you both are so much in love and amazing together. I loved watching your connection. I cried when Landon was born. He is so handsome. What a journey you are now on”. And boy, was she right. That this was only the beginning.
Thanks for reading,
Kathleen ♡
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