I laid in bed for the first time since I pushed our first born daughter out. He reached his arm across my body for the first time; touched my shriveled skin for the first time. I cringed, then my eyes filled with tears. Will this gross him out? Will he cringe? How will I ever feel sexy again? The first time I got dressed in front of him- my arms wrapped around myself- naturally. I shielded myself from the love of my life- embarrassed. The first time we showered together, he traced my skin with his fingers-I wept. He told me that I was beautiful, he said “Our baby was in here baby.” “I love you,” “You’re still sexy.” I bawled.
That was my first experience with my “new body,” 7 years ago when I became a Mama. 3 years later I birthed baby #2- my skin did the same, if not worse- and this time around I felt more “me.” I grew into this new body and I began to own it. I no longer questioned as often if he still found me attractive- because I was on a self-love journey. I loved myself-regardless.
Now here I am, another 3 years have passed and I just birthed baby number 3. He loves me for my soul- I feel the same way. I love myself; each mark, scar, ripple. I created 3 miracles. I built our family with his help. It’s been quite the journey; gut-wrenching. I’ve learned to grow into this new body- not to force a “bounce back.” We don’t bounce back into pre-pregnancy bodies- we bounce forward into growth: a love so strong, a journey so rewarding- motherhood; Womanhood. We create life: bring it to fruition- God willing. Today I stare at this photo and feel so strong as my body is still so weak.
7 weeks postpartum now. 7 weeks of feeling strong and beautiful, yet I’m throwing punches at my enemy- Postpartum Depression. He sneaks up on me on the good days; even more on the bad ones. The body I stare at and see self-love sometimes turns to 10 minutes of self-sabotage. But that’s it, a moment that I have to put my punching gloves on – fighting the ugly; the weak.
I photograph these moments. The highs the lows, the ones that pick me up or make me slow; all we can do is flow. Let the days pass while making the best of them. Stay patient when days aren’t always “wins.” Starting from within. That is LOVE. Self-love!
What makes us FIERCE. Accepting we are not fearless is what makes us Fierce; imperfections, staying unapologetically us. Reminding all of you today that this is a life long journey – hug yourself a little tighter today, be a little softer today- we are strong, we are powerful, we are real- this is reality. There’s no rush – be patient. There’s no perfection – embrace it. You are BEAUTIFUL exactly as you are-Love it!”
I am Kasha Marie Perry, and this is my postpartum journey.
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