Starting All Over – A Second Time Mom

24 hours postpartum. 

“Starting All Over”

Having gone through this once before, with my now 2 and a half-year-old, I thought I was done. That the hardest part of being a mom was over. (Newborn stage scared the crap out of me).

But 2 and half years later, I had the body I thought I would never have after having my first son. I was finally able to have some free time without having to nurse every 5 minutes.

But here I am with baby brother Niko. Starting all over again. Back to the kangaroo pouch, and back to nursing straight out of the shower because I didn’t have time to even put my clothes on. But you know what, I forgot how much love I felt having a newborn. I forgot just how much I missed nursing. So here I am starting all over again, falling in love all over again.

“Finding the balance “

Here I am, a new mom of two trying to find the balance of caring for a newborn but also spending time with a toddler. Making sure he feels included even if it means nursing his baby brother while watching his favorite cartoon together.

“Privacy? Never heard of it?”

Love is never feeling alone ever again. Love is taking a much-needed bath by yourself, only to have your newborn crying because he’s hungry so you get him undressed and have him join you. Love is having your toddler jump in because bath time is his favorite time and how dare you try to take one without him! Love is being a mommy. LOVE, IS The best feeling in the world.

“The Balancing Act”

When I first became pregnant with our second son, back in the good ol days when there was no such thing as COVID 19 or having to worry about social distancing. Oh, how I miss those stress-free days. I would have never imagined I would be changing my newborn’s diaper on my lap outside because I was too frightened to change his diaper in a restroom on a changing table. Or having to wear a mask in 90-degree heat while maintaining my distance from others. So here I am, trying to perform a balancing act with my baby in my lap, my toddler by side, and my emotions hidden inside.”

“Close to my heart”

The moment they placed you in my arms, you snuggled right into my heart. And there is where you will stay. As the world changes around us, I hold you tight against me. Looking down upon you, uncertain of what tomorrow will bring. But anytime I feel afraid, all I have to do is look down and see your precious face. I love you, my sweet little baby, in my heart and in my arms will forever be your place.

“Calm to my storm”

I have never been more afraid to be a mom than now. All of this chaos going on in the world scares the crap out of me. Not because I am afraid of what will happen to me. But because I am afraid for my boys. I want to protect them so badly that I cry every night not knowing of what’s to come. But then I look at this picture and see the sweet smile on my toddlers face and the calmness of my newborn laying on my chest. I see all this negativity around me but when I look at my two precious boys it all starts to melt away. They are the calm to my storm, they are what keeps me going every day, THEY are the reason we all need to keep going. And THEY are the reason why I am still here.

Follow Karissa’s journey on Instagram @fernandezromankarissa.