Dealing With Hostility From In-Laws

Everyone wants (and deserves) to be loved and accepted by the family of their significant other. Sometimes it doesn’t happen that way. People’s attitude towards us are usually a reflection of who they are. In some other cases, it might be as a result of misinterpretation of words or actions, a misconception of our personality or just a transfer of aggression.  

Whatever the case might be, hostility from in-laws is a hard pill to swallow and as always we are here to help you overcome it. If it is your desire to have a better relationship with your in-laws, here are a few things you can do to restore the relationship; 

Ask your significant other to step in: Speak to your significant other about the situation and how his/her family make you feel. Ask him/her to tell them to at least treat you with the respect that you rightfully deserve.  

If they constantly interfere in your relationship, let your partner know that you are not comfortable with having his/her family interfere in private matters concerning your relationship and immediate family. 

Speak to them yourself: Sometimes hostility arise from actions you are unaware of. The best way to get to the root of any problem is to speak to the person/people involved. If there’s a need to apologize, apologize. If there’s a need to explain yourself or clarify anything that might have happened, do so calmly. The good thing about speaking for yourself is you get the burden off your chest and if things do not improve, you know that you tried. 

Maintain a united front: You and your partner are one and the same. Even though it might not seem like it sometimes, you should act like it at all times especially in front of your in-laws. Work together and agree on set rules. Never disrespect your partner in front of your in-laws; it would only worsen the situation and give your in-laws an opportunity to poke at you, your relationship or as a parent. Remember, it’s both of you against the world. Stay united!

Be yourself: Do not pretend to be someone you are not in order to pacify or please your in-laws. Know who you are, what you want and be yourself, unapologetically. You can’t keep up with a facade for the rest of your life so it’s better not to indulge at all.

Accept them as they are: See them for who they really are and be okay with fact that they might never change. This would help you understand and act according to the reality of the situation.

Set boundaries: Avoid situations that put you in compromising positions. Do not speak about their affairs or anything that doesn’t affect you directly. Be polite and reserved towards them. Be firm and stick to your rules. If you are uncomfortable with a request or action, say so directly and never be afraid to say NO. Control how often they visit you and vice versa.

If you can, avoid situations that demand being in close physical contact. Have set rules on what’s acceptable and what’s not (especially concerning your children) and communicate it to your in-laws.  

Keep your private life private: Intimate details concerning you, your spouse, your children and your relationship shouldn’t be divulged to your in-laws. The less they know, the less they have to talk about or use as a weapon against you. 

Pray for them: Pray for them and hold out hope that their attitude towards you will improve with time. Be genuinely happy for them when good things come their way and always wish them well.  

Always treat them with kindness: Be kind to them. If they need your help, give it willingly. It doesn’t matter if they dislike you or have treated you harshly in the past. Repay them with kindness. This might help mend your relationship with them. If it doesn’t,  it’s not your fault they are the way they are.  

Do not be quick to react to their harsh words/actions: In situations where there are confrontations, avoid reacting immediately. Reacting to harsh words/actions immediately not only blows up the situation; it also put you in a bad light. In dealing with hostility, it’s best to remain blameless. 

This isn’t exactly a case of turning the other cheek; it’s you respecting your significant other, respecting yourself and giving yourself time to think of how best to handle the situation. We often regret decisions made in anger. 

Walk away: If you’ve tried all and it failed, walk away for your own peace of mind. Ignore them and move on with the rest of your life.  

Some of these points are easier said than done but bear in mind that the goal is to be a better person than you were yesterday. If you treat them in the same way they treat you then you are no different from them. Rise above hate always.  

Remember the golden rule; Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.