I Became a Better Mom When I Was Formula Feeding

“When she fed her baby with love, she fed her baby the best way possible”. For a long time, I truly believed formula was poison.

I had it in my head that “breast was best” and if I didn’t breastfeed, I failed as a mother.
Of course, based on facts – it is. There is no doubt about that. Breastmilk is best.

But after I gave birth to Lillian and I was severely anemic from hemorrhaging + retaining placenta, our breastfeeding journey started off super rough. As well as she didn’t want to latch either.
I had numerous hospital admissions, surgeries, blood transfusions, that my body and my doctor was telling me to just stop.

There was formula for a reason.
I told myself that this was meant to be.
Lillian needed her mother.
So I packed my pump away, I reminded myself that I’ll have more babies and we can try again next time.

When Lochlann was born and he latched right away, I literally was ecstatic. I thought to myself that this was going to be the baby I exclusively breastfed.
Until I had absolutely little to no milk supply.
I power pumped. I ate countless lactation cookies and smoothies. I kept going.

But once I started bleeding 3 weeks later and my uterus felt like it was going to explode, I knew in my gut what this meant.

Another hospital admission.
Which ended up being two in a space of a week.
And then led into a hysterectomy.
And led into a lot of tears and heartache.
I kept telling myself that I will NEVER get to breastfeed a baby ever again.
My milk supply came back after they took my uterus out but I just couldn’t get myself to go back to breastfeeding. My mental and physical health was more important to me. And that’s OKAY. It okay to put your health before needing to breastfeed.
Both my babies thrived and still are from being on formula.
I didn’t fail as a mother.
I’m thriving too.
I still got that special bond with both of them and still do.
If you’re scared about formula feeding because you don’t want to be judged, just know I’ve been there. Pick up that bottle and set down your fears and just enjoy. You got this.

PIease remember that every mamas story deserves to be shared.
Just know that how you feed your baby, is no one else’s concern.

Words by Kiera Mary @happilyeverelton.