You are not the only “bad” mother…
A friend of mine confided in me a couple of days ago… In her words “sometimes I wish I wasn’t a mother. I just feel like packing up my bags and running away”. She had never told anyone this, not even her husband..not even her mother.
I know most of you right this minute are thinking “how could she say a thing like that? What sort of mother is she?” But all I could feel was pity and sadness because we mothers often sell this untrue yet highly believable impression that we are “perfect” mothers. That we have never made that one mistake or felt frustrated at any point in time in our role of being a mother.
Motherhood isn’t easy, we all have had that moment were we thought we were awful parents. So we shouldn’t make that mommy-to-be or new mummy or even experienced mummy feel like she has committed an unthinkable crime.
I clearly remember when I gave my daughter a dose more than I was required to. I thought I read 5mls but it was 2.5mls. It knocked her out. I cried all night, cursed and blamed myself for not cross checking over and over again. I felt like a horrible parent.
Although I made that mistake but it made me take a step closer to becoming a better mother by always reading the pamphlet that comes with a drug at least three times before administering it to my kids. Or the one time I was so busy trying to get us all out of the house and mistakenly jammed my daughters finger when trying to close the kitchen cabinet. She yelled in pain and I just remembered thinking… “I’m the worst mother ever” . I felt so bad anytime anyone asked what happened and we had to tell.
You are not the only one that has made that gruesome mistake. It’s like you being an accountant and then you are being given the role of an engineer, you might know the basics but not until you get a stuck pipe then all your accountancy degree flies out the window and you do not know what to do.
It’s the same with motherhood. We had no prior knowledge what being a mother would be like. We might have read a thousand books about it but there’s no “manual” that fits all babies and there is a difference between reading about being a mom and actually being a mom.
Just like becoming an engineer, we learn on the job, we learn everyday on how to be a better parent yet we are still far from perfect. You would always see that one mother who you think is a better parent than you are because she does certain things. But what you do not know Is, what she lacks in a certain area, you thrive in and vice versa.
Just because your child hasn’t reached a milestone at a certain stage doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. So NO! You aren’t the only one that has screamed at your child because you had a tedious day, No! You are not the only one that completely forgot to feed him because you were busy cleaning, and No! You certainly aren’t the only one who has felt frustrated rocking your baby to sleep for 2 hours.
I would never condemn you for feeling a certain way at certain times because it isn’t a walk in the park. You are only human thus your feelings. But I would advice you that whenever you have one of those moments where you are exhausted, tired or frustrated, just think about the women out there who crave to have what you have and aren’t able to.
Count your blessings, look at that gorgeous little soul you brought into this world, that one you once prayed to God for and feel all the frustration, tiredness and exhaustion melt away. So don’t you ever for one second feel you are the only “bad” mother out there who just got carried away by temporary emotions making you feel a certain way at a certain time. You aren’t.
As long as you are trying to be the best parent you can be and you keep learning from your mistakes, pat yourself on the back mama. You are indeed a fantastic mother. There’s no place I would rather be than being with my kids. There’s no job I’ll rather have than being a mom. I have had mood swings, I have had bad days but nothing gives me greater joy or makes me any prouder than being called “MOMMY”.
Do not make me feel bad alone!:). Share something in the comment section below.
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2 comments
This article was beautiful. They’re times when you do feel alone, exhausted, & feels as if your doing everything wrong. Maybe we are being too hard on ourselves as moms, we sometimes get too caught up in the moment that we forget to tell that little voice inside our head, “everything is going to be ok” “you are rocking at being a mom!”. We tend to forget to love ourselves first. Without us moms, the world would be a nightmare! We need days to pamper ourselves, days we need to be thankful for the beautiful little humans WE only moms can create. This article reassures me that I’m actually not alone, we all face different aspects in motherhood, but what really makes us all different is the way we handle each & every situation!
To all the fabulous mums out there! Pat yourself on your back, your doing an awesome-rific job! (As my son says)
Thank you for sharing Dominga. It’s very important for us as mothers to always encourage and support ourselves!