Postpartum Depression Awareness

                                 This article is based on a true life story of Jade Keener on post-partum depression.

Tears aggressively ran down Jade’s face. She was shoving her clothes in a tote.  “I’m leaving you.” She blurted out.  “Omg I actually said it? I’m actually packing my things? And over something so silly! How can I just give up my best friend because of a small argument that had over escalated?” She thought to herself. The first rational thought she’d had in hours. Now she started packing slower. She didn’t want to leave, but she felt like she had to. She knew her actions of dragging things out like this were wrong, but she just couldn’t stop it. She was angry, and so hurt. She picked up her phone and called her mother at 2:30 in the morning explaining to her that she was leaving her husband, and she’d be coming to stay with her mother for a while. Her mother was so shocked. “Did he cheat on you? ” “No mom.” “Did he hit you?” “Mom he would never.” ” So why do you feel the need to drag your babies out at this time of night on the highway? Is it that serious?” Jade then realized it wasn’t serious at all. She had made this whole big marriage ending argument out of nothing. “What is wrong with me?” she started crying even harder.

Several years before Jade was watching The Tyra Show, and Tyra was featuring mothers who were having a hard time transitioning into their new lives with their new babies. Becoming a Mother wasn’t what they had expected it to be. It was draining, tough, but most of all, it was depressing. One of the women spoke about how she imagined her baby falling, and hearing his head crack. Jade thought ” who could ever do that or be that way?” Fast forward time, and there it was..She was dealing with similar thoughts, and emotions.  Every time her baby cried, she wanted to cry along with him. She would have recurring thoughts about placing her baby in the trash can. She knew this wasn’t her intention, nor did she want it to be, but sadly the thought kept running through her mind. Not angrily or to hurt him, but uncontrollably on her part. She asked herself “If I don’t want to do this, why do I keep getting this thought forced in my head of doing so?” She kept feeling as though she was a terrible mother for feeling this way. Suicide was Jade’s next thought. First it crept in quietly. It would just flow through her mind like the wind. Eventually it was a thunderstorm constantly hitting her, wanting to be the solution to all of her  problems. She would close her eyes, and say a prayer. That’s not how she was. She never thought of suicide as an option, so why now?

Things didn’t start off like this for the mother of two. “Giving birth to my second son was such a blessing to me.” She explains. “She was so grateful for him, and anticipated his arrival like every mother does when she’s pregnant. For three weeks Jade and her baby were bonding beautifully. It was different compared to the events she had experienced with her first child. It was a sudden change not only with her baby, but with everything. She found herself not wanting to leave the house, she dreaded looking in the mirror, and she would pass her baby off any chance she could get. She just didn’t like taking care of him anymore. She knew she felt different in general since she had her first son, like she was no longer free or attractive. But after her second son it was different, way different. This was worse. It was darker. She was ecstatic to be a wife and mother. Yes it was hard for her to connect with her first son, but once she got through her sad phase they were inseparable. Although every now and then her sad phases would return, and she just didn’t want to be bothered with him or anyone during those times. She just wasn’t her free spirited and ambitious self anymore. She thought this is what motherhood does to you. But she was wrong, this was something else.

The more time went on the less logical Jade was. In her mind her husband was her worst enemy. To him she was blowing everything out of proportion, which caused her to see him as being extremely insensitive. They would argue before breakfast ignore each other all day, and have a big blowout right before it was time for bed. Which led to Jade crying all night. This went on for days in that exact routine. There was too much pressure. It started off with crying spells at night when Jade’s husband and children were sound asleep. Then it grew to crying every time something was out of her control, until finally she cried for 12 hours straight, 3 nights in a row. She hated her husband. She thought he hated her too. She felt like she had no other choice but to leave him.

That morning Jade’s mother knocked on her door at 7am. Her husband had already left for work. “What’s going on with you?!” Jade held back her tears. “Look at me, tell me why you’re leaving?” Her voice soften. Not one reason could come to Jade’s head as to why she was about to break up her happy home. Sara’s, Jade’s mother, facial expression changed. She walked in closer to Jade. “Are you depressed?” Jade could no longer hold back her tears. “I think so.” She was so ashamed. Sara immediately called Jade’s doctor. They arrived at her OBGYN’s office in less than an hour. After a lot of evaluation the doctor diagnosed Jade with Postpartum Depression. “Why would you ever want to kill yourself?” You have two beautiful children, a supportive husband…” He continued on in a supportive speech, but Jade could tell he didn’t understand. He’d never been through it. Sara was in tears from the thought of her daughter wanting to kill herself, and Jade cried from seeing her mother cry. She had been feeling helpless, hopeless, and truly worthless the days before, but when she was in her doctors’ office she began to see light at the end of the tunnel, she was finally getting help instead of internally dealing with this ever since the birth of her first child.  Jade’s doctor prescribed her Zoloft and suggested she see a therapist.

“Since I’ve gotten help I still have my days. However I’m getting back to my normal self. Prayer along with working out helps renew my mind, body, and soul, I’m able to go out and enjoy more “me” time. The bond between my boys and I is indescribable. My marriage is stronger than ever and I’m more than grateful for my support system.  Postpartum depression is something rarely spoken about, but much more common than we think. I was so hesitant to share my story, because of the thought of people thinking I was crazy or a bad mother and wife. But I realized I’m not any of that. Postpartum Depression doesn’t define whether or not a woman is a bad mother. They are stronger than one may assume. You can get through all things through Christ who strengthens you.” Jade explains to Pregnant and perfect.

If you feel like you have Postpartum Depression I suggest you to talk to a trusted family member or friend, and call your doctor immediately for help. If you notice symptoms in a loved one sit with them, and talk to them about your observations as lovingly as you know how. The two of you should seek help for your loved one together as soon as possible. Trying to get through Postpartum Depression alone, or being too ashamed to say anything has caused mothers to lose their lives, and unfortunately innocent children as well. With the proper help and awareness any mother suffering from this illness will be okay.